And I feel like hurting. I feel like biting. My veins are bursting. it's hard to take deep breaths right now. Part of me wants to cry. But most of me wants to let loose on anyone who is willing to fuck with me. I shouldn't feel this way. I had a meeting at work, someone was being rude. He doesn't like the meetings so he wouldn't put his laptop away like I asked him. I don't care if he thinks they're pointless so he can do what he wants. They gotta get done, and if they gotta get done three times a week then we're at least going to pay some god damn attention to each other.
He said he was sorry, that he was mad at the meetings and took it out on me. I said it's ok, and that I'm not mad at him. It's just fucking hard to let go of this feeling I could fucking claw someone's eye out and laugh and smile and ask is it really that bad.
I don't want to feel guilty when this passes, I don't want to feel like a fool when I'm thinking normally again. I don't want to scare anyone, I just want to have friends, and not fight, and have things run smoothly.
We aired it out, so that's a definite plus. I think I'm the only one still pissed. But I could be wrong.
I'm not shaking as much. My throat's still threatened and tight.
I see him in my head, he's smiling. I can't hurt that.
I'm not sorry. I was patient. I made my point. I was open and honest. I didn't flip my shit, I cursed and made my feelings known.
I'm not a bad person.
I felt unstoppable. My shoulders just tingled, I must be doing something right, eh?
My throat reached up, it's behind my nose below my eyes. I don't want to see my roommates. I just told an old man what to do. He left his laptop out, our roommate complained, so I told him to put it away when he's not using it. Can't feel bad about that, right?? What if he does? Fuck it, he was being passive aggressive to start, if he's mad it's on him.
I'm starting to feel calmer, let's see what song is about to come on pandora: While My Guitar Gently Weeps.