I'm feeling hypomanic and my mom is chillin at 1 c'clock, and so is my dad. I'm wavin and swayin to the music. They're lost in their own world.
raven haven poe shoes does not fit flit a sock flint match and chop sparks idle feet. Just a lil freethinking. Haven't done any freewriting in a while, at least not on pen and pad.
I apologized to my roomie the other day, he was happy about it and didn't apologize to his own shit. But I'm not bodda'd by it, it's his own deal, ya see? I got it off my chest, I was a lil upset when I was feelin crazy earlier this week, but meh it passed.
So I saw this dope movie where Cameron Diaz fucked a Ferrari!
Good shit. I love me some crazy. My manager heard my thoughts on diggin crazy chicks, and she warned/complained of crazy chicks slashing her tires or something kinda like that. Not my problemmmm. Give me a freaky possessive girl and long as the freaky is there. I dig it, the spontaneity, crazy laughs and psycho eyes. mmm. Onwards.
The movie is called The Counselor, directed by alien dude riddle me scott. My favorite part wasn't Cameron Diaz cumming on a windshield, but rather the philosophical monologue offered by cartel leaded I Don't Know His Name. I just found out it's Jefe. To recap the essentials, The Counselor made a decision that resulted in his wife being kidnapped. He seeks the Jefe's help, but the only help Jefe can impart are words of wisdom. He implores Counselor to accept his situation, to realize that the bleak existence in which he finds himself is the one he wrought. The Counselor's denial is evident as he hears the Truth he can't accept.
“The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you make, is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You’re now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing. There’s only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago.”
Looking back at my life, my arrests, the self harm, the harm to others, all the hurt I've been a part of is one with all my joys. To reject or regret the shadows of my past is to be at odds with the light I've shone and been shown. I'm at a point in my life where I'm making amends to all those I have harmed, (see Recovery if you dig my efforts to make Karma pretty), and I've got to accept that while I may be ready to make those amends, many aren't ready to hear them. They may still be in that Old World where the harm is very much remembered and casts spite sadness and retribution on my efforts. I must accept this, for my New World is one of forgiveness, compassion, understanding, acceptance>tolerance, and love. Every time I sincerely say "I'm Sorry" I lift my sail a little higher, better harness the goodwill winds of the universe and gain the strength to pierce the storms towards that promised place where I am the man I always dreamt of being.
PS: Here's the dialogue for those interested:
COUNSELOR: I’m not sure you understand my position.
JEFE: But I do, Counselor. Actions create consequences which produce new worlds, and they’re all different. Where the bodies are buried in the desert, that is a certain world. Where the bodies are simply left to be found, that is another. And all these worlds, heretofore unknown to us, they must have always been there, were they not? […] I would urge you to see the truth of the situation you’re in, Counselor. That is my advice. It is not for me to tell you what you should have done, or not done. The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you make is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You’re now at the crossing, and you want to choose, but there is no choosing. There’s only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago. […]
I don’t mean to offend you, but reflective men often find themselves at a place removed from the realities of life. In any case, we should all prepare a place where we can accommodate all the tragedies that sooner or later will come to our lives, but this is an economy that few people care to practice.
Do you know the works of Machado? […] Lovely poet. Machado was a school teacher, and he married a young, beautiful girl, and he loved her very much, and she died. And then he became a great poet.
COUNSELOR: I’m not going to become a great poet.
JEFE: Well, perhaps not, but even if you were to do so, it would not help you. Machado would have traded every word, every poem, every verse he ever wrote for one more hour with his beloved. And that is because when it comes to grief, the normal rules of exchange do not apply, because grief transcends value. A man would give entire nations to lift grief off his heart, and yet you cannot buy anything with grief, because grief is worthless.
COUNSELOR: Why are you telling me this?
JEFE: Because you continue to deny the reality of the world you’re in. Do you love your wife so much, so completely, that you would exchange places with her upon the wheel? And I don’t mean dying, because dying is easy.
COUNSELOR: Yes. Yes, damn you.
JEFE: Well, that is good to hear, Counselor.
COUNSELOR: What are you saying? Are you saying this is a possibility?
JEFE: No. It’s impossible.
COUNSELOR: You said I was that man. At that crossing.
JEFE: Yes. At the understanding that life is not going to take you back. You are the world you have created, and when you cease to exist, this world that you have created will also cease to exist. But for those with the understanding that they’re living the last days of the world, death acquires a different meaning. The extinction of all reality is a concept no resignation can encompass… And then all the grand designs, and all the grand plans will be finally exposed, and revealed, for what they are. And now, Counselor, I have to go, ‘cause I have to make other calls. If I had time, I think I would take a small nap.