my ol' healing ass

itchy throat met me last night, reached towards the top of my nasal cavity and started rasping away. A day later and my left nostril itches and drips, and my left eye is teary and crying. It's not so bad, at it's worse it's an annoyance. Fevers are worse, not as bad as the flu though, the one that takes away hunger and knows nausea.

Sickness came at an opportune,time, though. Tomorrow there's a new year's party I don't think I'm going to. I want to go. But I'm pretty sure it's not happening. Why is this opportune? I don't know, lol. But I do believe everything happens for a reason, therefor I must believe that it's a good thing I'm not going (probs). I'll probably sleep a lot in preparation for a good day of work to start off the new year. Pay and a half for working new year's day, not bad at all. I mean, working retail doesn't pay much at all, but it's enough, and more than enough in this instance.

I thought about foodstamps, 180 bucks a month to buy quality ingredients! and Publix subs! but I didn't do it. The universe works in funny ways. Herons represent relying on one's self, independence, according to those who believe in totems. Riding my bike w my friend Mike we were talking about food stamps, and as I finished what I said I looked up and saw a heron. My interpretation? Universe thinks I shouldn't be getting food stamps. And I agree, it would have been easy to do, I would have saved money and eaten well. But, I don't NEED food stamps to eat healthy. I can work more. This would cut into the time I have to do the things I love. Solution? Spend more carefully, and if something I really want costs more than my budget, I work more hours and appreciate it more.

Obvious, right? I'm 26 and I'm just now figuring this stuff out. I'm used to getting the things I want easily, not having to work hard to get things. That's how most of my life has been. And most of my life I haven't been appreciative of what I've been so freely given. I'm changing that, now. I don't want to be the guy with a garage full of workout equipment he doesn't use. I'd rather buy a thing or two at a time, use them, get a nice routine going, and then maybe adding to it if I feel I need to.

I can't stay comfortable, it's death for me. When I take it easy I get restless, agitated, impatient. I eat too much food. I crave savory things, and go all out and binge eat. I'm not even a heavy dude, I'm in good shape. But I only get that way and stay that way by having a routine I stick to. I'm a creature of habit, if I'm not eating right and exercising consistently I end up stuffing my face. I used to feel really guilty every time I slipped, not so much any more. I'm trying out this new thing, Unconditional Positive Regard for myself. UPR was developed by psychologist Carl Rogers, and it stresses acceptance and support regardless of what a person says or does. So, if I miss a workout, make a mistake in any of my relations, eat too many of my roommate's cookies (my bad Mike), or food in general, I take it easy on myself. I'm slowly realizing these are the exceptions, that on the whole I'm not eating more than half the steaks in the house during x-mas week (my bad Dad), or drinking Peter's diet sodas all the time (three cans of diet coke in 3 months ain't bad at all), or eating all of Peter's skinny cow ice cream bars (it was only two....)....... lol. Nah, that's nothing to feel bad about at all.

Ima not eat many more of Mike's cookies though... ha