There's so much to write about, and i don't know how to... Yet. i want to write a novel, many novels... One of the places i'll write about is my version of Utopia, a radical world that would be rejected by today's society. Some people may find it sick, or barbaric. i believe in forgiveness, in compassion, that prisons and jails corrupt both prisoners and officers, and that a better way to deal with criminals is to show them compassion. Even the rapists and serial murderers and child molesters. i believe there are people in the world that legitimately feel remorse for their crimes, and honestly repent, that these people have turned their lives around and done their best to make right all their wrongs. A murderer who has realized what he/she has done, and would never commit that crime again, would be able to reach out and teach others who have also taken a life, who can speak from experience and knows that only hurt people hurt people. They can show others how they turned their life around and found happiness, compassion, joy, and even respect despite their crimes. People aren't animals by nature. We've evolved enough past that primal era of our existence to transcend fury anger jealousy envy revenge and hatred, we just have to want it. In a perfect world i would forgive the man who raped tortured and killed my brothers sisters father mother friends, i would understand that said person must have gone through hell to ever do such a thing, that that's not the real him, that deep down he's a good loving caring man that doesn't want to admit it. And i would look him in the face, obliterated, and say "It's not your fault. It's ok. i know you're not a bad person. It's ok. i forgive you." And if grace eludes him, and he kills again, then the family of the victim should still forgive him, in spite of protests saying he should have been imprisoned or killed after the first death, that we as a species should embrace this terrible burden because every man and woman deserves all the chances, should never be given up on, that even when it hurts, when hatred is almost all we know. Everyone deserves grace. No one should be condemned. We are not defined by our worst moments. We are victims of circumstance. But must never act like such. Tragedy is inevitable in every life. Then shouldn't we accept it like we accept the blessings, the fortunes? If not than we're at war with the inevitable. It's like screaming at a storm for tearing down your house, or at lightning for striking you. Things out of our control will happen regardless of whether we like them or not, so why let the bad ones control our emotions? We'd just be hurting ourselves, and anyone else we take it out on. That's not fair to them. A storm doesn't know better. But we know it's better to take a deep breath and do our best to seek serenity than to yell at someone when we're pissed at something they had nothing to do with. Frustration makes this difficult.
What is frustration? It's been observed that frustration occurs when we expect something to happen and it doesn't, when we learn that certain actions produce a desired result, and then it doesn't despite our expectations. And experiment was done with pigeons. Pigeon A was taught that by performing a certain action it would be rewarded with food. Then, one day, the researchers stopped rewarding it for it's behavior. They put Pigeon B next to Pigeon A. Pigeon A got so pissed that he proceeded to fuck up Pigeon B. It's not like Pigeon B had anything to do with it, Pigeon B had no clue what the fuck was going on. But Pigeon A had a dose of reality, reality telling it "you're wrong, Pigeon A, your silly pigeon dance will no longer give you food pellets." Pigeon A didn't accept this and mauled poor Pigeon B, who hopefully never had to see Pigeon A again in similar circumstances. So, what implications does this have for people? Well, if i learn to act a certain way and expect to get certain results, if what i learned is challenged I'm liable to fight a pigeon. For example, if I'm debating someone, and i'm used to pissing them off and getting them angry by the things i say just to get them riled up, i would be very upset if i tried to piss off someone and they don't respond to my shitty behavior. If i'm used to kissing someone's ass to get something from him/her, and all of a sudden it doesn't work, then i'd get pissed. If i'm used to playing games with girls to get them to want me, and all of a sudden it doesn't work anymore, then i'll get upset, possibly even accuse THEM of playing games. And then choke pigeons.
We've been conditioned all our lives, by family members, friends, social circles, TV shows, media, movies, to act a certain way. And it's very subtle. You ever see a kid pick up his friends habits? i did in elementary school when i started ending every sentence and calling all my friends "man", like "yeah man. i know, man. Dude, did you see what that crazy man did to those pigeons, man? He was so hungry.... man." You see, it's not like i thought "i'm going start saying 'man' all the time," it happened subconsciously, i wasn't even aware i was doing it until my family teased me. We see an action or habit from people we like/admire/look up to, and repeat. So if i see a bunch of guys on TV drinking beers and surrounding women, ima associate women w alcohol. ima be pissed if i spend my life drinking and not getting the car and girl, and i sure as hell am not going to blame it on some commercial by admitting it duped me. i'm too proud. Careful what you choose to watch. Be aware of commercial's motives. You can bet your ass a psychologist got rich finding ways to convince ppl to buy a brand. They know about addiction, and they know how manipulate people with this knowledge. The most clever, capable professionals get paid the most, meaning what? Every time we see an ad for a product, the best of the best at convincing/fooling/persuading people are influencing us.
Back to Utopia. i argue that envy and jealousy are negative emotions. Without these emotions i wouldn't feel hurt or wrathful if another man gives the woman i'm with pleasure. i'd be happy that she felt more bliss, regardless of who gives it to her. She would be free to love anyone, physically and emotionally. MORE LOVE MUST NOT BE SHAMED. If i was secure in our relationship i would know she wouldn't leave me. If i was secure in my faith i would know that even if she did it's for the best, and that i must never intrude on anyone's search for happiness and acceptance. So in my perfect world, there is no cheating, because that's such a negative word. We'd all love all of us. Some of us may not even have the desire to have multiple partners, not necessarily feeling repulsed or averse to the concept, just aren't attracted to it, and that would be perfectly OK. Anything would go. If i know it would bother my partner, i wouldn't seek other pleasure. And if I know my partner would enjoy another man, then i would accept this, and tell her so. i would not give her permission, because i can't give anyone permission to do anything (excepting my children, for they're not adults and need guidance). i hesitate to even say "MY partner," because i don't own a single thing, much less a person. i can choose to give myself to someone, but i can't ever expect than from someone else, nor should they expect that from me. "The Woman/Man I have a relationship with" more accurately reflects what "My Girlfriend/Boyfriend" means to me. There are indigenous tribes where free love is practiced, to the extreme. There are many who have a particular partner with whom they live, and also many sexual partners. Because of the wide variety of sexual partners, paternity cannot be determined. Therefore any child may belong to any man. What's the result of this radical love? Every child is viewed as everyone's. A woman or man can walk up to any child and play with them like we may do with our own children. Our society can't accept this way of life. "I must teach MY son, MY daughter, because he/she is MINE and I know what's best for them." Well... what if you don't? What if the child your wife gave birth to is not yours, but you were the best person to raise her? What if you impregnated a woman, but her life partner is the man to be the main male influence on him? Would you trust that everything happens for a reason, be humble, and be ok with another man raising your son? Or would you try and control? When things are left to luck, to chance, we have less say in the matter, and i believe that the Universe has a bigger say. Let it be and don't get in the way.
i couldn't practice this way of life. It goes against everything i know (meaning everything i've been taught) about relationships and parenthood. One day i hope to have strong enough faith, and also have the humility, to accept being part of a society with free love. More love can't hurt.
Without jealousy, without envy, without fear of abandonment, this type of world is possible. Is it wrong to wish to be free of these negative feelings? To be free of anger, and be full of compassion instead? We would love and forgive, and hurt but learn to accept, learn and teach that we aren't bad people, that we aren't fuck ups, that we don't Fuck Up, that all we do is make mistakes, Bloopers, Oopsies, because we don't really know better, and that we learn from those mistakes. That all we're really doing is learning?