My Roomies, My All Star Friend, and other things

Serenity Now! is what all the roommates, and myself, have been saying/yelling/laughing randomly. Most of the time things are relaxed here. It's a blessing, this job. I'm house manager for a sober living house. It's a beautiful house, and right we've got 5 people, including myself. We can fit one more, but my boss is happy with the group we have right now. It seems unfair, getting free rent just to live here... I mean, I drug test the guys randomly, do meetings with them most days of the week, and make sure everyone is here for curfew, and basically just keep the peace. It's not difficult, it's a pleasure, really. It's like God said "Here! Let there be friends and free rent!" Whatever we're doing is working, though. I like to think that I'm a positive presence where I go, that people feel at ease around me. I do my best not to judge, to treat everyone with unconditional positive regard, and to not start any drama or contribute to any. There's no drama, though, it hasn't gotten to that point except for an argument w a roomie months back. I apologized asap and things were quickly resolved. I try my hardest not to get in the way of the natural flow of things, a la Tao and whatnot, and not take sides or act like I'm in charge. We're all equals, we all care about our sobriety, we're all actively trying to do what's best. I don't tell people what to do. For things like the dishes, for example, I was going to bring it up in the meeting to just get it done whenever ppl see it needs to be emptied or filled, but instead I decided to just do it myself when I see it needs to get done. My roommate noticed and said thanks, and that he'd do it the next time. All I had to do was the right thing and not try and make things happen right now right when I want it. That's all there is to it, really. They're all awesome, my boss, too, especially for trusting me. Him and my other boss are very happy with how things are going; apparently there's been a history of drama with former residents, and they haven't had a house manager actually living in the house. I think that's the best way to do it, to have a house manager per house.

Before, I was checking on his other property, too, and it was different. I was only there for a meeting a few times a week. I hung out with them, too, which was awesome, but I didn't have (or make) the time to develop the type of friendships I have with the guys here. It's just not the same, ppl are far more reluctant to do a house meeting with a dude they see sometimes who's friendly but not as close a friend to them as they are with each other. Here we're all getting closer every day, and we all respect each other. I treat them with respect so they treat me with respect, and when it's time to do a meeting it's not a huge thing. It's smoother the more I know everyone.

I'm going to share more in the meetings. I can't force it, though, I just have to be willing to get out of my comfort zone and, when the time inevitably comes, step up to the plate.

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I haven't reached out to my friend since New Year's Day. I've been busy hanging out, and she's been busy, too. I'll send her a text tomorrow and maybe we can hit up the speaker meeting at night. She busts her ass. Type A, wakes up at 4:30, always getting things done, taking care of her family, her dog, a crazy cat, and still hitting up meetings. She doesn't slack off at all on her recovery. I heard her story about a month back. I have a new respect for her. She shared before in IOP, but not like she did recently. She spoke bravely from the heart, was open about the things that happened to her, and shared them to share, not for attention or pity or to impress, but to share her experience so that it may help others. I had no clue she had been through so much. I even teared up. She's stronger than she knows. I wish she'd see it more in herself. She's not the type of person to bring up the past to dwell on her misfortunes. She keeps those things to herself until it's appropriate to share. I really admire her. Back in rehab we'd play ping pong together, and bocce ball. We were the All Star Team, competitive and winning. Winning! lol. She deserves a great man, someone who sees how strong she is, even when she doesn't always see it in herself, someone up to her level who knows how to grind, how to grow and stay stronger, someone confident who will be there for her in a genuine way and value her the way she deserves. You know what's wonderful? She shines so bright that her friends are starting to ask her about meetings, and are starting to go with her. That's the type of people she's attracting into her life, people who are serious about getting better, and being healthy. She's helping others :) AND she's a teacher, AND her kids love her, they tell her their feelings and troubles, how awesome is that?? I couldn't handle her schedule, her responsibilities. She's an angel.

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There's so much to read. And I have so much time to, but I also don't. I need quiet time, outside of the house. Late nights can't last forever. I need to retrain my brain to focus on words, on reading like I used to be able to do years back. It's getting there, though. Reading poetry definitely helps. There's a lot to pay attention to: The sounds of the words, the lines, why they break a certain way, the tone, the rhythm, cadence, the form used, the multiple meanings, metaphors, why the author chose a certain word or arrangement of words, the setting (both temporal and physical), the senses conveyed, and also how to incorporate all this into my own writing.

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I've been thinking about adding a section, my Anthology of Poems, which is my fave poems on here. But I'd also do a summary as to why I love them. I think it would be nice for me and to anyone who is interesting in poetry. Or me. Or both! It would also be more demanding of me, because then it's not just for me, it's for others as well.

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I've also been thinking about adding a section, "Daydreams" (or "Fantasies"), so that I can write out whatever scenarios I play out in my head, whatever they may be.

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I deleted some old posts.... I felt, I don't know, embarrassed shy scared? It won't happen again, though. We all have embarrassing thoughts, written down or otherwise.

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Maybe I'll start reading Amor en los Tiempos de Colera (Love in the Time of Cholera), my first novel in Spanish. I'm hoping I'll strengthen my Spanish that way, add depth and vocab, and ultimately become so familiar with the romantic language that I can add greater variety to my poetry. I should also read more novels in English. It's been a bit.

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Sabali

Tame The Ruckus

Indiana