silence

is a powerful presence. to respond to someone's negativity is to verify it's existence. it gives attention to and acknowledges what was said. if someone insults you, don't be angry, or let it ride silently. leave them alone with their thoughts, give them nothing but your presence. don't smirk, laugh at, scowl, or begrudge them. we all know when we act foolishly and attack another, and look for their response as an excuse to continue our shady ways.

the Tao says that to be a person of integrity we must first surpass being a person of etiquette. what is etiquette? It's a polite response. it gives light to polished cookie-cutter responses and makes the rote shine. people have become accustomed to automatic responses to any questions, they fall back on a script they wear on their teeth like notecards shoved in their attention-seeking mouths. people are scared to shine and speak their mind. it begins with seeking approval from others, trying to make everyone happy by silencing our honest thoughts. we learn to hush our voice, tamper our soul to pamper others feelings. we wear etiquette in plastic smiles. 

i feel dull. my mind is shielding itself from letting bare and be. i don't know what the fuckt to say. might as well start with the truth, huh? so how do i feel? like i'm wearing a cement duncehat with a botox smile painted on it, and sad drooping eyes trying to smile. i napped four hours today and for what? i' left to study and write. and readings all been done. practice is hard. not hard to do but hard to start. it's like i'm trying to fuck an eager virgin and she plays so coy, makes me wait, and thing is i'm me and the girl, too. i want to get on my grind and write a story, poem, whatever it may be... but i hesitate. i look to other avenues. i look this way and that, not checking within. but my fingers rap n tap on these keys, so i'm not doing nothing for something. i'm making words pop where there once was white, and that's a start.

the cement will always be wet.